So starting around the 17th September last year (2016 for all future readers) I decided to try something for myself, I’d seen a lot of people taking photos of themselves each day for a year to portray the change. Although I’d love to do this,knowing myself a whole year is a big commitment, so I decided to try it for a month- 32 days to be precise! (maybe I decided a month, maybe I only made it a month. It will remain a mystery). My biggest motivation for doing this was more based around wanting to like my own face bare and as well as covered in make up, since I can remember I have had issues with my face constantly blaming it for everything that went wrong in my life as a child and teenager and nearing the age of 21 (I was a lot younger when starting this)I feel now is as good as time as any to accept it and appreciate it before it starts to slump. What I loved about doing this is now looking back at it, it’s so lovely to see what changed in that month. Since I didn’t just want to see how my face changed daily but also my life, I’ve kept a little reflection each day to go along with each photo. So here it is. My life for a month as captions.
This is possibly my least favourite photo as I had not yet decided on landscape (the irony), I’m going to try not to edit what I have written for each day so please bare in mind whilst writing them I was just doing quick catch ups for myself. –
“Day 1- Photo isn’t taken yet but feeling shitty by the bus stop, bus apps not working so I’m just stood by the 69 bus stop with it being 4 minutes late already, bad belly and grumpy kaf- Note to self try to cut out milk out of diet tomorrow. Photo taken about an hour after finding out about my mom’s uncle Clive’s death, the sadness hangs over me, I’m annoyed I didn’t see him more and I’m sad for the people that lost their dad, ex husband and uncle tonight.”
Reflection- This was the night I went out for a drink with one of my old friends from school and had way through the drinks I got a text saying “Uncle Clive’s died” not wanting to make a fuss I carried on through the evening without mentioning it feeling guilty for feeling so sad for someone I’d met so few times. (Side note at this point I was convinced I was lactose intolerant, caffeine was the real enemy).
“Day 2 photo taken after taking job at a Costa in Walsall, meeting Pavla at ten on monday for my induction, really excited and scared. Just been to ikea with momma and papa for fridges and stuff want to buy giant jugs. Realised landscape photos will be better than portrait”
Reflection- The best thing about waiting so long to do this blog is that I have been working at Costa now since September and I love it, I went through this huge anxious stage where the thought of work made me want to throw up and now I’ve gotten to a point where I’m completely relaxed there. Also whilst taking this photo I did realise I have a lazy eye, which lead to a month of discomfort and staring into a mirror longing for it to move back and then acceptance.
“Day 3 I love how i feel, finally woke up at 12 with Liam, didn’t have to meet nan because of aunt Evelyn’s funeral and jess is at work. Feeling abit emotionally drained about life. Good news my overdraft is alright.”
“Day 4 Hannah has replied to my notice, she is so lovely so I don’t feel so sick out going to work now. I’m probably going to end up working to the 28th because Jas is on ‘holiday’ aka freshers. stood up on the train with stomach ache that feels like i’m about to come on which sucksss. Have finished fight club today, I can see why it is such a loved film and I am breaking the first rule of fight club. But but but it annoyed me, ed Norton annoyed me, it’s not like his acting wasn’t great I just hated the character, which I know is the aim but if Helena hadn’t been a fantastic part of the film I wouldn’t have finished it, it wasn’t a film good enough to keep me awake and when they killed big boobie bob that was the last straw. I also guessed the twist yeyeeye.”
“Day five it’s only 12.28 I’ve had the heating on for like an hour and still just got into a cold bath so I’m trying to reheat it, use my coal face mask which has made my face lovely and warm, I’ve written a wish list on wordpress short but sweet. I want to soak in the bath, rid my belly pains and read cosmo. Why in the 70;s show is everyone so bothered by cosmo? does it still have it’s bad reputation? Read a really interesting article about a women having a relationship with a methadone addict and only after two months realise “if you don’t know what is is, don’t put it in your mouth”Jess is having a bad day, I’m not going to write too much about jess’s day because they’re personal to her but that is still part of my day, cuz i wanna be useful and help. Liam moves in two days, I think it’s just hit me, rather nervous for him bless his sweet hear, taking him for drinkies tomorrow before he goes. Really wish I could go with him monday but Costa”
Reflection- Just the start of not being able to see Liam because of work.
“Day 6 about to go to Liams drinks with Ryan, Lovely day at work with Amy and Sunil. It’ll be a shame not to be working with them.”
Reflection- Ended up just being me and Liam, can’t remember why.
“Day 7 just woke up to the best text that i’ve got an extra hour to get ready as I got home really late from seeing liamano, didn’t get sad until I had to say goodbye last night and then I thin it just kicked in how far away he’s gonna be.It’s rainy because my soul is rainy today. I am so exhausted today written a blog post, about to watch “we’ll never have Paris” about Simon Hellberg. Having a down day wanting to be productive but not being able to actually make myself do anything”
Reflection- I really loved “We’ll Never Have Paris” It’s a fantastic comedy about a break up/ crisis that really happened to Simon and his wife- who actually helped him with the film, hilariously honest.
Day 8 it is 05:51 and I am currently sat on the 06:04 London Euston train to Birmingham New Street. Woke up at 4.44 after struggling to get to sleep for three hours. Might literally just finish work and go home to sleep, not like there’s much else to do around here.found out I’ve got three days off but liams got freshers, feeling lonelier and lonelier. Everyones getting paid now its 23.40 and it genuinely feels like I’m about to go to sleep on christmas eve, still abit anxious about not having any money this month of wasting it but excited at the same time”
Reflection- What I meant was I was worried about wasting my money before I’d even received it, side effect of being practically unemployed for six months.
“Day 9- no photo yet but ive had an extremely relaxed morning today. last night found a website called interpals that i am hoping will make me better at French maybe and it’ll be nice to meet some new people. Just checked my bank account, I know I should be happy but I really did think I’d earn more than I have, been avoiding working it out so I wouldn’t be disappointed and I’m disappointed anyway. My mom came and met me at work had a really nice wander round lush and shops then pizza at pizza hunt. I love black olives. Then wander round river island, love talking to my mom about all my problems, sleepy now trying to transfer money then beddies”
“Day 10 just got ready to go shopping with jess super excited as well as super stressed about money. Just got off the bus after the Albion realising I didn’t have my passport :’) Cocktails it is for us!- No cocktails but had the loveliest day after struggling to actually spend money end up spending a while in my costa, getting a jumper, a fantastic bag, a top from primark, foundation and so much lush stuff. We had the nicest day finally treating ourselves!”
“Day 11- no photo yet currently deciding if I want to take it before or after I try all my new stuff. Maybe today I’ll do half and half. Feeling a bit panicky today I think maybe because I’ve only got 3 shifts left at Costa and stuffff. Half of me want to go to uni, half of me wants to open a coffee shop with my mom. I don’t know what to do and I’m giving myself a bad stomach. Change doesn’t settle well apparently. Definitely lactose intolerant. Felt so drained today”
Reflection- So not lactose intolerant, discovered that anxiety causes bad bellies too!
“Day 12. I hate people smoking in bus shelters, how can you be polite enough to let me go first onto the bus after pushing me minutes closer to death with your fumes? I woke up today at the time i was meant to leave the house 6.30am after I assume was over an hours worth of dreams about my phone being a cappuccino or latte i was making and i was trying to get the milk right by turning it off but really it was my phone. My clothes are soggy after getting up too late to dry them and now it’s 7.12 and I’m in wednesfield. Had such an appreciation for Costa new street today, said goodbye to my boss Hannah and Amy. Felt super emotional, I know it won’t stay that good for ages but it’s been so fantastic working there. Each one of them is lovely and funny. Things to do before I finish tomorrow include buy a thank you card, bring back books and hug nearly everyone. It’ll be emotional but it’ll be okay.”
“Day 13- no photo yet but it is my last day working at Costa Odeon, I’ve just had a Mcdonald’s breakfast. I’m sort of nervous sort of excited just really don’t want to hate it in Walsall. Got to stay positive. Happy and healthy. Happy and healthy, liam’s being really adorable telling me how he wants to spend his life with me, I just want to munch his face off. Although it is 00.13 and I’ve just got home from work and feel ecstatic, steph and kate brought me a card and a candle bless her. Everyone made me feel so lovely. The highlight of my day was Sunil telling me I was his favourite, it’s nice to know being myself hasn’t scared them all off. Even though we finished super late I just had a really lovely shift. Tried my hardest even though it didn’t really matter either way and had a fab time.”
“Day 14. Two week anniversary of photo taking! Just relaxing in a sort of warm bath, charcoal face mask on. Feel a bit guilty about turning down a shift at Costa Walsall Wednesday. I just really want to go and see liam. Hope they don’t hold it against me. Quite excited to dress up and go see the nutcracker later but the more I think about it I think it’s more likely going to be swan lake we are seeing. Considering going to walsall to pick up uniform and maybe go to doctors about thrush. Can’t decide. Also want a jacket for tonight if I can afford afford it, maybe I’m going too crazy with my monies. Just been to see the traditional version of swan lake with momma, Debbie and nan. Don’t think dance is my thing, I love how beautiful the costumes and the scenery and the dancing. But the whole not talking thing makes it extremely hard for my brain not to wonder off to somewhere else. I love the hippodrome though, the red curtains are so gorgeous. Ready to sleep now got to wait and get up to meet nan.”
Going to leave this here and continue it a bit later else it is going to be far too long for a blog! To be continued.