32 days in the life of Kat- cut short!

So a couple of blogs ago I started a “Showing face” which was basically me wanting to do that year of photo challenge but not wanting to over commit so I did a month, weirdly though I much prefered the caption side to my little project so here is the rest of them.

Day 15.
day 15

“Day 15-Walsall buses suck. Just picked up my uniform from Walsall Costa, I’m so awkward aha now I’m worrying about how awkward. But fuck it. Fuck fuck fuck it. Waiting for the Walsall train to Birmingham to see nan. Really hoping I have enough money to bus us coffee, pay mom back and go see liam. Maybe even a pot of ultrabalm if I’m lucky. The log lady Catherine Coulson died today found out she was married to Jack Nance who plays the lovely lovely lovely Pete. Have just booked and collected train tickets for London tomorrow and got two books. So hilarious, my mom had a flick through my grey book and asked my what a buttplug was.”

Day sixteen.
day 16

“Day 16. This morning literally got on the train to Euston with literally 30 seconds to spare. Literally. Had a really nice train journey and then got the tube straight to oxford street. Where I had the best time in lush, with this lovely worker! She spent like two hours with me telling me all about the perfumes, the bath bombs, the shower gels , the soaps. How the soap sheets actually cost the same amount to make that they sell, so they don’t make any profit. She was lovely so when I finally got too hungry I went and walked literally from one side of Oxford Street to the other side through all the side roads, everything everywhere it was so lovely. Til finally Liam turned up just after I’d finished a sammich. I spent 39.90 in Lush, snow fairy, snow fairy dust, a massage bar that is designed to show one in four babies is born with an outy belly button, some toothy tabs, a harry potter bath melt, a pumpkin bubble bar and a bat jelly thing. Now i’m at Liam’s feeling anxious about being in a half empty house that any time people could come back too.

Day seventeen.

day 17
“Day 17, it’s technically day 18 but I haven’t slept yet had my first day at Costa Walsall today, was quite good, hated it at first but need to give it time. Will be working 9-6 tomorrow. Had a lovely evening with Jordan at the Spread then watched run Lola Run at mine. Such a nice film it’s like a spin off for the first bit off pulp fiction, but it can’t be a spin off because it came first. God quotes to end the night, now sleep. Feeling happy but missing liam.”

Day Eighteen.
day 18

“Day 18 stood at the bus stop, luckily realised my bus was one the other side to the one I was planning on getting on :’) Havn’t eaten apparently Walsall wants me to get there super early or super late. Bit Hungry, bit nervous about the long shift too. Stood in superdrug at 12 for my half hour break. There’s no staff room so I’m just hanging here. Doing a 9-6 makes my back hurt unbelievable amounts.”

Day nineteen.
day 19
“Day 19 relaxing in a basically just warm bath, all my lush stuff and wine after a day of literally serving from 12-5 constant serving at Costa. Constant ques it was so crazy. Apparently it’ll get worse and worse. Now i’m soaking in my bath then a night out with jess and maybe ily.”
Reflection- I now wish i’d taken a better photo this day.

Day Twenty

day 20
“Day 20 it’s so weird writing this next to a paragraph where I didn’t know how the night was going to go. Last night went really well, although now my stomach hates me :’)we started off at spoons after about half an hour of chatting these two guys came over to escape their friend and jess told them all the stories about her job and then ily appeared. Then off too planet had a really good sing and dance. Milano’s then this lovely taxi man took us both home.”

Day twenty-one.

day 21“Day 21 had a half productive day, did 45 minutes of Babbel, read some grey, yoga, cleaned kitchen and living room, watched some youtube videos, currently going to read one more chapter and then force myself to walk to pharmacy and then come back for theo. Didn’t go to pharmacy, not sure why I didn’t just go. But I did go and see the intern, Robert de niro and Anne Hathaway. It was fantastic, the sort of film  that makes you warm inside. If i ever reread this remember to watch the intern when you are sad. It made me want to go and do something, even try massage. Loved it.”

Day Twenty-Two

day 22
“Day 22 sat in bed trying to read grey, chatting about the world of coffee with a friend from Costa Odeon. Am trying to figure out a halloween costume with Jess and talking about luv with Lam. Theo is laying down my leg with his turtle doris. He is literally ma baba. Today I feel like all I have done is work. I watched a romantic film with superman in it”

Crime wave
When I started writing what I felt was a really lovely and nostalgic process from September of last year, I had all of my little diary entries saved into the notes in my phone so I am going to have to end it at day 22. I am so annoyed that these were the only copy I had of them so when my phone was stolen out of my bag I lost everything including a lot of photos.
I think these days when you steal someones phone you are not really taking anything worthwhile stealing, my phone was cracked and badly maintained because it was used so much, it’d probably go for a tenner off someone who desperately needed any phone but to me it was extremely valuable. It had photographs, messages, hundreds and hundreds of notes, all of which I took for granted being stored safely in my phone.
Stay safe kids! keep copies of all your bits and bobs.

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Loneliness

sad ghostPhoto from the brilliant and inspiring Sad Ghosts Club!

Is loneliness the stage in between school and being an adult where you have to come to terms with not spending every day surrounded by friends? Do we really constantly need to be surrounded by other people or have we just been brought up in such a way that we feel insignificant if we haven’t got a constant social life. When I say loneliness I don’t mean really mean that feeling when you see everyone else having a fab time and you get that short surge of sadness, I mean that constant feeling of not doing enough, not seeing people enough, feeling like on standby when not with other people.

        When I originally wrote this I’d felt really overwhelmingly lonely and for the first time in a long time and since then I’ve realised a few things. One of those things is that I really hate that I ever typed this “I am seeking the friendship of typing to disconnect a chunk of my loneliness into writing, maybe even dissect it to see if I really need to be feeling this way..”
Another really important thing is at that time I was literally basing my self worth on whether I was with someone or not- and I don’t mean relationship wise, I mean physically just good enough to have people around me. Although sometimes I feel this probably hasn’t changed as much as I would like I have in let’s say the past year realised how important it is to be alone. Not to sound super cliche but I think a quote- that is correct, one quote, I think this one quote changed my whole perspective at a time where I found myself going out of my mind and floating around mine house endlessly frustrated and dare I say it- bored.
If you are lonely when you’re alone, you are in bad company.-Jean-Paul Sartre
Realising that sometimes I still do this now but at one point I literally didn’t feel like it was worth doing anything alone, as if I had literally decided that if somebody can’t see me it’s not worth me having fun or enjoying anything. This is one of the many ways that I am a human contradiction considering I find it extremely stressful trying to have fun or be myself around people anyway. I used to say I felt like a sim when the players gone to the toilet and then got distracted for three hours- until I realised sims just carry on without or without you and so it should! The only person that really, really, really matters is yourself, myself. Whoever leaves, whatever happens we only have ourselves, we are the last voice we hear at night and the first voice in the morning and no matter how fantastic the people around us are, it means nothing if we don’t want to be around ourselves.
This will lead quite nicely onto my post about my favourite Ted Talks.
In the interest of self growth I have copied my original post which is rather cute if not a tad cheesy onto one of my other neglected blogs so just click the big CHEESE < if you want to read it.

Hard Rock Calling Festival London 29th/June/2013

A few months back my Mom asked me to go see Kasabian, Myles Kane and Paul Wellar with her. Naive as I was I didn’t realise just what kind of gig it would be. After a mear three hours drive we finally found our hotel “Newham Hotel” left our stuff and caught the bus in London-for the first time ever. Stratford-Statford is the kind of place where you feel like you’ve walked into a completly different country, it was a hot summers day, everything was bright and new- so so new!
Finally making it to the Olympic park, thanks to the foam fingers!- we were addressed with food stands, carnival rides, astro turf and a HUGE stage. For most of the day it felt like we were in an artificial park, what little clouds there were, barely moved. It felt so isolated and safe. We were surrounded by people who wanted to dance, drink and smoke- singing that’s entertainment with Paul Wellar and screaming to Kasabian. We were gifted with songs from; The Weeks, Lower than Atlantis, Kodaline,Twin Atlantic,Myles Kane, Paul Wellar and Kasabian.Image

My mother.

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Hard rock calling festival in the sun with my momma ❤

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Getting to see Lower Than Atlantis for the third time, wast the same without Lam.

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Miles Kane, we were so close!

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Paul Wellar the man himself, singing “Thats Entertainment”, to us!

I have never been so happy to be wrong, I assumed I’d be stood in a hot arena all day not knowing many bands, but I was surprised by one of my favourite bands playing first, the sun was up and hot all day!(NO RAIN!), I got to spend the whole day with my mom listening to live bands, it was perfect. After a long day of sun bathing, eating and relaxing to the sound of live drums we caught the bus home to our simple but clean hotel room.

Would definitely go again!