Here is how I worry,worry all the time.
My brain is too slow, my hands falling behind
Is it cancer, am I too young? Never mind.
Heart is racing, pumping round my thoughts.
Here is how I worry, worry all the time.
Is it normal, what ever could it be?
Whats going on inside me, if only I could see.
Aching, breaking never feeling fine.
Could it really just be all in my mind.
Here is how I worry,how do I find the time.
Photo from the brilliant and inspiring Sad Ghosts Club!
Is loneliness the stage in between school and being an adult where you have to come to terms with not spending every day surrounded by friends? Do we really constantly need to be surrounded by other people or have we just been brought up in such a way that we feel insignificant if we haven’t got a constant social life. When I say loneliness I don’t mean really mean that feeling when you see everyone else having a fab time and you get that short surge of sadness, I mean that constant feeling of not doing enough, not seeing people enough, feeling like on standby when not with other people.
When I originally wrote this I’d felt really overwhelmingly lonely and for the first time in a long time and since then I’ve realised a few things. One of those things is that I really hate that I ever typed this “I am seeking the friendship of typing to disconnect a chunk of my loneliness into writing, maybe even dissect it to see if I really need to be feeling this way..”
Another really important thing is at that time I was literally basing my self worth on whether I was with someone or not- and I don’t mean relationship wise, I mean physically just good enough to have people around me. Although sometimes I feel this probably hasn’t changed as much as I would like I have in let’s say the past year realised how important it is to be alone. Not to sound super cliche but I think a quote- that is correct, one quote, I think this one quote changed my whole perspective at a time where I found myself going out of my mind and floating around mine house endlessly frustrated and dare I say it- bored.
If you are lonely when you’re alone, you are in bad company.-Jean-Paul Sartre
Realising that sometimes I still do this now but at one point I literally didn’t feel like it was worth doing anything alone, as if I had literally decided that if somebody can’t see me it’s not worth me having fun or enjoying anything. This is one of the many ways that I am a human contradiction considering I find it extremely stressful trying to have fun or be myself around people anyway. I used to say I felt like a sim when the players gone to the toilet and then got distracted for three hours- until I realised sims just carry on without or without you and so it should! The only person that really, really, really matters is yourself, myself. Whoever leaves, whatever happens we only have ourselves, we are the last voice we hear at night and the first voice in the morning and no matter how fantastic the people around us are, it means nothing if we don’t want to be around ourselves.
This will lead quite nicely onto my post about my favourite Ted Talks.
In the interest of self growth I have copied my original post which is rather cute if not a tad cheesy onto one of my other neglected blogs so just click the big CHEESE < if you want to read it.